Allow me to introduce

Dear Internet,

Like many other real people, I have for some time been fascinated by all the nifty information you seem to have collected, and freely dispose amongst the terminals of the world. Forgive me if I say it has, from time to time, been overwhelming! However, the time has come, I think, when I must introduce myself. Alas, this is somewhat difficult: I'm not quite sure I'm actually here. More precisely, I'm not quite sure where I am. Even more precisely, where are YOU? And how did you get into my house?

A concerned reader