I can hardly contain myself

Dear Plastic Bags of the World,

It's really creepy, you know? The way I can't find you when I need to take out the garbage, but the rest of the time you're getting in the way so awkwardly! It's as though you were lying in wait for my panic unto tidiness, and cleverly zip out of sight. What's up with that??? eh? I mean, you're just organic chemistry, not biology. For how long are we to put up with these things?

A dissatisfied customer